STRESS

I'm not sure how I should put this. But Edexcel have turned me into a panda. More like a NIGHT cat. My studying times are in the midnight and I sleep in the day. I'm adjusting myself to a totally different time zone. My biology clock is in a mess. But I focus better in the night, what to do?

Panda says Hi! :)

Its only a few more days till my exams, its now or never! I keep telling myself this. I'm working to get into UK universities now. And my forecast results can't even meet those requirements! So I tell myself if I want to get into UK universities, I have to give my best shot during my last few papers and leave the rest to the Lord. 

I set up a goal everyday. The amount of work I have to complete. For example, 6 law essays, 1 set of accounting paper and 3 sets of C3(Mathematics). I have to finish all these before I sleep. So I put myself into deep stress now. No one to talk to about this. Cause I know everyone is studying as well. I don't want them to feel that I'm boasting. And this is something I promised myself and God to complete everyday. I HAVE to do it, you see.

I have my IELTS writing test tomorrow. Suppose to work on the exercises but at the same time I have to finish my 'workload' for today. I guess I won't be able to get enough sleep then. D;

So stress that even my sweets wouldn't help now. Haven't been this hardworking ever since form 1 I suppose. Never pushed myself till this far before. I listen to soft and soothing music to calm myself down. Can't wait for my exams to end. TT I want to try my best and have no regrets. 

Dear Lord, please give me strength to get through these times. I would like to pray for a healthy body as well, that I can have a healthy body until my exams is over. And if You intend for me to get into UK universities, please show me Your directions Lord. I pray for all this, in Jesus name I pray, Amen. 

今天复习华文

好久没有写华文字了。真的很快的就快把之前所熟悉的词句给忘记了。今天是考试的第一天也是我母亲的生日。不争气的我，是到了考试结束以后，很晚回到家的时候，靠电话提醒才记起今天是妈妈的生日。我知道自己常常很自私，很不孝顺。今天更是让妈妈好失望。我好像又伤了妈妈的心。很欠打吧，像我这种生在福中不知福的人。

今天不止考试，连驾车时都超不顺利的。我的意思不是我出车祸不过是路上不知道是我太不专心还是那些摩托车把路当成自己家开的，喜欢喜欢就停在一边，喜欢喜欢就在别人要转弯时冲过旁边。考试也是。明明还有九分把握的，考完了现在一点信心都没有了。也不知道自己为什么今天在学校会心情低落。我是怎么了嘛。

我最近连灵修都不常做了。好不乖对吧？可能我的异常在于自己的灵命上没吃饱吧。上帝一定很生气我这个女儿，什么事情都做不好。但我知道他还是爱我的，是我自己不珍惜。

最近可能看比较多台湾连续剧，所以会想到说要用华文写部落格。希望你们看得懂，看不懂也罢了。 :) 也是最近心事重重才会那么勤劳来写部落格的. Haha :)

Happy birthday mummy! ❤

DAY 28729372927186392718

Feeling
DIRTY
ROTTEN
DISGUSTING
IRRITATING
EVIL
BROKEN.

Those are basically the words that I want to use to describe myself at the moment.
Didn't want to share it on Facebook. Don't need any comments, don't need any comfort. I just wanna share this with someone, telling them how bad I actually feel about myself. It's so bad I can't even bother to show how rotten I am.

She is right. I am not any different than those magicians. Only regret I had is to make her sad today. But I made my own decision before I went. Was absolutely clear in my mind of what I was doing. I wished that there were better solutions to this. I guess I just did not have enough faith in God. :(

I know myself. I know myself deep in and out. All the things I've done. Only myself,
and God understands. And maybe my only solution will be God and only He can take me as I am despite all my sins.

It's the post of the day. Just not in the mood to elaborate further more.

Oh, and I went for the rally in Kelana Jaya stadium today. It was epic :)